I rarely get excited about things. I don’t go shopping very often. Growing up, my parents didn’t buy me everything I wanted (and I thank them for that). We had pretty tight budgets, and the lesson I learned (or the one that stuck) was that if you really wanted something, you saved your pennies and then bought the best. So while we didn’t get much, when Christmas or other gift-giving occasions rolled around, we got nice. It’s the old Quality over Quantity thing again, and I’m a big fan of quality (which is not to say that I always have the best taste or make the best decisions).
I hate commercials. I think product placement in movies and TV shows is ethically bankrupt and should be illegal. QVC is so absurd it’s comical. And I can’t stand our culture of over-consumption and wastefulness.
But by damn there are three products that I would seriously get on TV and be featured in an infomercial to promote:
1) This. It is the Pledge Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair, and it is a perfect miracle. Recently I was chatting with I Have Happy about her new kitty cat, and found myself proselytizing about the Fabric Sweeper in a near rapturous attempt to express how bad ass it is at doing things like returning even the hairiest of cushions back to its original, pure, pre-domesticated-house-pets state.
Seriously, the Pledge Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair has been downright transformative; it changed my life! I used to be a slave to pet hair, rubbing fitfully at couches and bedspreads with old-fashioned lint removers and tape rolls. But not any more! The Pledge Fabric Sweeper for Pet Hair helped me reclaim my life; I’ve conquered pet hair for good!
Wait, sorry, not actually on television. Anyway, I absolutely despise that it’s disposable (plays into all the lazy, consumerist, wasteful tendencies of below average Americans) but once I started using it I honestly got over that hangup right darn quick. It’s that good. Don’t get me wrong, I sat around with my friend Emily one night gulping cocktails and trying to devise a way to poke a hole in the roof of it and extract the trapped hair, so as to begin a cycle of reuse. But then my lazy, consumerist, wasteful tendencies took over and I went to Target where I bought FIVE more of them that now line the shelf of my linen closet. I love it almost like another pet:
2) Or this. 8 fluid ounces of Heritage Products Pine Tar Shampoo. I have been using it for several years now, and my life would be empty without it — or at least a lot itchier from the neck up. It’s all natural. And while some of the reviewers were displeased that it just sort of looks like brown water, I would reply: well, yes, but brown water that works.
3) Or this. My very own SodaStream! Ours is bright red and makes a delightful farting sound once the water has received the proper amount of carbonation. No matter where I am in the house, every time I hear the flatulent sound that tells me my gassy water is ready, I smile from ear to ear.